When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think i got beer on your cat.
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