He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
