FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
