dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i think i just lost a toe
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