I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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