i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
