Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
