i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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