non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
