if you like me you must not know who I am
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
