He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
