Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
