Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Randomize
