I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
