Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
