theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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