I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
