White coat. Heels.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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