marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
