I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
