really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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