You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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