I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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