I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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