Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she pinky promised me she was 18
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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