Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
