3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
