She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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