The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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