i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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