Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
