I am in a vortex of obligation.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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