Betty ford says i'm here all night
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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