it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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