we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
