well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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