Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The power of my boobs compel you
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
