My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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