Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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