Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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