During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
