Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
