I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
