after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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