how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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