In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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