I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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