thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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