yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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