I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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