I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
