Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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